she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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