Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
