The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
