ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
