Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
