dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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