I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
