Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
