so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
that may or may not have been my penis.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
