My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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