im drinking this country out of the recession.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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