i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
