im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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