im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
