I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
