The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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