I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
