So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
vagina is talking i cant
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
