So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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