PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The air was thick with penises
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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