I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
