i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
