She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
