sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
