At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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