watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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