508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
