Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
