11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
