I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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