I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
