3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize