you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
