there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
