Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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