Just fell off a train. Bad.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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