oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
