so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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