weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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