Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
