I met the friendliest cop last night
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
