Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
