My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
