Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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