super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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