How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
