While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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