I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize