Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
