whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
