everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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