whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize