The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
