I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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