Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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