the condom got lost in my hair
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
