I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize