in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
