he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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