just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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