It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize