So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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