First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
