YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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