I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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