need another drink. this is the easiest way
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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