..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
